When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
