i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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