meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
