Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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