Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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