Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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