Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
