Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
