As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
