I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
