I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
