i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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