Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
