At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
