sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
