I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
