He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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