y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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