Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
