You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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