he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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