honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
