I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
