Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
