Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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