Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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