just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
