my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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