i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
