and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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