Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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