the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
