I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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