You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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