This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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