Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
