Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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