Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
