I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
tell me about the fingering
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
