This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
