why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
