Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
