I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
