Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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