I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
