I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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