just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
