hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
