im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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