i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
