The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize