I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
