How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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