our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
